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Adoption… It’s still on my mind.

I can’t seem to get over this adoption thing. I want to, because my husband is not on board with it. But I can’t. I just can’t. It weighs on me every day and I go back and forth about it in my head. Do I really want another kid? Am I capable of handling the challenges that come with parenting an adopted child? Am I open to a special needs child? How special???

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Rather than trying to get the hubs to agree to adoption, I’m asking him to simply consider it. Just give it a real chance, weigh it out instead of shutting me down. I keep asking God why it’s on my heart so strongly if it’s not for my family.

Usually I’m pretty decisive about things, but this is throwing me for a loop. I’ve wondered if I want to adopt simply because I’m being told I can’t. You know how it is; you always want what you can’t have. I’ve also wondered if I just want the adoption process, rather than the actual kid. Sometimes the anticipation is better than the getting. Maybe I’m an anticipation junkie and I just want a challenge and something to look forward to.

But then I imagine what it would be like to have another child, a child who otherwise may not have had a family. When I take my kids to do fun stuff like play at the lake or see Thomas the Train, I imagine how cool those things would be for a kid who wouldn’t have gotten to do them without being adopted. Even more important than the fun stuff we do is the simple inclusion into a family for a kid who is a ward of the state or stuck in a foreign orphanage. To trade a paid caregiver or a foster mother for a real mother is priceless. I can brush teeth and kiss boo boos and tuck in and read stories. I’m already doing it for two kids, so why not make it three? Any sacrifice of my time or money is so trivial when compared to a kid getting a family. It’s not that I think I’m a particularly awesome parent, but I’m better than an institution. My crazy family is better than no family.

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So if you’re the praying type, will you pray with me? If adoption is the right choice for my family, let that be abundantly clear to both me and my husband. Adoption is a huge deal and I don’t want to enter into the process unless my husband and I are both on board and like-minded as to the why behind it. If you’ve adopted, I would love to hear your story! Comment or direct me to your blog!

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